As a young boy, Aidan Phelan was relentlessly bullied.
His father, who had been involved with violent gangs in Melbourne’s suburbs as a youth, taught him the best way to handle conflict was to fight back.
That mindset shaped much of his childhood (the photo above is of Aidan at six years old, learning to box).
Constantly in trouble at school for fighting, he found himself in physical confrontations with his tormentors almost daily.
“I grew up being taught that violence was the solution,” says Aidan.
“That you hit hard and that you don’t let people see any sign of weakness and all that type of stuff we now identify as being very toxic.
“From the ages of 10 to 13 I was getting into some sort of scuffle every few days.
“It just made me a very volatile, angry, isolated person who couldn’t handle their emotions, and I had a lot of issues with my mental health as a result of those situations.”
Fortunately, a school teacher, who recognised his struggle, stepped in to offer guidance.
Learning how to walk away was a turning point.
The reality of violence and self defence
Many instinctively believe that violence is justified in self defence. In fact, 65 per cent of 30,000 high school students we surveyed agreed with this notion.
But the reality is more complex.
While some situations—such as unprovoked attacks or domestic violence—require immediate action for survival, most confrontations that lead to violence could be avoided with better choices long before things escalate.
The power of choice in de-escalating conflict
Violence is often a reaction to fear, anger, or pride. But true strength lies in knowing when to step away.
By understanding how to manage conflict effectively, we can break the cycle of aggression and create a culture where violence is no longer seen as the only option.
Aidan’s story is proof that change is possible.
Watch the video below to hear him share his journey—and what ultimately helped him break free from the mindset that violence was the answer.
Now a presenter with the Foundation, Aidan draws on his life experiences to connect with teenage audiences and discuss alternatives to violence.
The way forward
As a society, we need to shift the conversation away from justifying violence, even in self-defence, and toward promoting non-violent resolutions to conflict.
The cost of violence – whether it’s physical harm, emotional damage, or legal consequences – is far too high.
Reaching out to new generations through education of the keys to breaking the cycle of violence and helping young people understand the power of walking away from conflict, rather than engaging in it.
Need help?
Help is available for children and young people being bullied. Speak to a trusted adult immediately. Professional organisations include kids helpline on 1800 55 1800 and headspace (for young people 12-25 years old).
